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January 2, 2021

It was my intent to start this on January 1, 2021.. and I even thought about backtracking and creating the day I missed… but that didn’t seem right.. so day 1 is 1.2.21. Maybe the perfect start.

I get stuck; we all get stuck. I wrestle between where I want to be and where I think I should be; and honestly where I am; and the brutal wrestle of what is wise and what is foolish. I struggle with direction all the time. With that said; I believe in nudges.. small pushes in life that beg for your curiosity. These nudges are easy to ignore, because they are small and quiet; but thankfully they are also consistent. This is a daily journal to document my intent to follow ‘the nudges’. To document a path of curiosity. Specifically, to document a path of curiosity toward a creative existence. In doing this, I want to encourage my own bravery through accountability, to first myself and then to you.

As a back story… about four months ago, I was driving with friends when we drove by a large dead bird on the side of the road. I made my friend circle around and go back to see what it was. Turned out it was a large great horned owl. A massive, beautiful owl, lying on the side of a rural highway. We continued on to a driftwood bone yard and left the owl. While searching for driftwood with a third friend, this particular friend brought up spirit animals. I have never known my spirit animal or even given much thought to this belief and/or connection, but I of course was curious. Turns out my spirit animal is an owl. Owls are amazing and I rarely see them, however; to stand before a large, dead, great horned owl moments before finding out my own spirit animal was an owl created an odd pause in me. It felt like a warning sign; an uncomfortable warning sign. I went back and buried the owl. A week later I wrecked on my mountain bike and was laid up for a month, five weeks later I became so sick that I ultimately ended up in an hospital for over two weeks with what was finally diagnosed as an unknown autoimmune disease. Three months later, I am on the tail end of recovering from this illness. Perhaps, I needed redirecting on my path.

I am looking forward to 2021 and all that it may bring. I am working on a current painting, Alessandra which is Italian for defender of mankind. I will post my work on this piece. Starting this site was my first attempt to chase a ‘nudge’. To force myself to document the day to day. To force myself to show up. Drawing and painting are constants for me.. and although a significant learning curve exists, the need to create dominates the need for perfection or mastery. I listened to the entirety of Pablo Picasso’s biography and hold on to his advice to a young student where he effectively said; to give “painting” everything she had… to just keep painting. I am not a young student. I am 46. I am just finally ready to paint; to do this.

Until tomorrow,

tiger11

January 3, 2021

I connected with an amazing artist in Italy who recreates the masters. His work is breathtaking. He supports his passion by working on the side as a tattoo artist. He was formally a criminal attorney but left the field of law to pursue the arts. He introduced me to Francis Bacon. Francis Bacon was an Irish-born English figurative painter known for his raw, unsettling imagery. My friend describes him as a genius; his favorite artist. So this was my nudge. I was painting last night, working on Alessandra; and often when I paint I listen to books on audible. So I started ‘Francis Bacon In Your Blood’ last night while I was working. Listening to the biographies of great historical artists helps me to peek inside the creative mind of others. It allows me to see how they think and operate and where their interests fall. I was diagnosed with ADHD years ago and have studied it through and through.. but never was my understanding so great as when I recently read the book Ninth Street Women, and heard several descriptions of the operation of the creative mind. There was this huge ah-ha moment where I smiled.. and I thought: it is not attention deficit disorder, it is just awareness in a different direction that minimizes the things that others place great weight on; such as wearing matching socks, getting places on time, and opening the mail that is delivered. This moment resonated with me on such a significant level as a way of understanding myself and looking at what was formally documented as a negative in a much more positive light; perhaps a gift.

Another nudge that has been consistent in my mind for several months is the nudge to get up at 5am and make this my time to create and write and pause. I have not accomplished this goal. I am not sure why. It feels like self sabotage, because there is something in me that desperately needs this time and it is the same quiet consistent thought in my mind every day; day after day. It is simply; get up at 5am. It is not 5:30am or 6am; it is 5am. I thought that perhaps by writing it here, I will feel the weight of accountability and listen and adhere to this persistent nudge.

Below is “Alessandra” oil and pastel on 4′ x 4′ stretched canvas

She is not finished, but getting there.

Until tomorrow,

tiger11

January 4, 2021

I did not get up at 5am or anywhere close. I was able to sketch roses down the side of Alessandra in the evening but it was brief and unfocused. I feel like I missed the mark today. However; a good friend of mine started sending me my fish paintings and asking me questions on them. This made me smile. Much of my art contains fish and birds; fins and feathers. There is something about exploring the sky and sea that is divine to me… the ability to touch a world so different than our own human experience. As such, in this post I am simply including my most recent fish drawings; Uncharted, Red & Rose, and Clyde. Clyde is another large 4′ x 4′ stretched canvas painting. All three paintings are done with pastel and acrylics. Clyde will be delivered this Spring to a close friend in Seattle, Washington for a wall in her lake house.

Until tomorrow,

tiger11

January 5, 2021

I did not get up at 5am today. It seems to me that no matter my approach, I am unbelievably tired in the morning and the greatest thing in that moment that my alarm goes off is continuing to sleep. I always find disappointment later, because my career soaks up the day and that golden moment is lost. I am consumed by my work today. The work that pays the bills, that is my career, that is my anchor. I practice law and have day three of a trial tomorrow. That trial, rightfully, demands my attention. On some days; this work leaves no room for art. That is okay. My nudge today, was simply to stay committed to this entry. To not put that commitment aside.

Until tomorrow,

tiger11

January 6, 2021

I got up at 6am today. Not 5am. Still trying. Today was a trial day. It was a difficult day of trial; that wiped me out. There was no art today.

I find it incredibly hard to balance the demands of my career with time to paint on intense work days. This has been a constant battle for me. I have three young children, elementary school age, that have additionally been doing online education through COVID-19 which creates another challenge in regard to balance of time and focus. When COVID-19 originally peaked in March 2020 in the United States there was this pause across the globe with quarantine that ultimately allowed for more time to create in my life. It was during this time that I tackled the #100dayproject. The #100dayproject was adopted from a class at Yale University by author and artist Elle Luna and placed on a social media forum. It commences every April. The #100dayproject is a 100 consistent days of showing up to create the ‘same thing’ over a 100 day period and posting your daily art on instagram. What you choose to create is up to you. It could be anything from painting, to glass blowing; to writing music. It is the study of a developmental process of being consistent in your practice; thereby implementing quantity and consistency in showing up over quality. I chose to write an illustrated story which I named The 100 Day Journey of Rebel & Flash. It is posted on my instagram and was my original ‘nudge’ that I grabbed to find my way back into a consistent practice of art. In April of this year, I plan to tackle this project again in conjunction with my commitment here. I have not decided on my subject matter, but spinning ideas; from 100 superheroes to illustrated daily journal, to spirit animals to… well thinking :)… but looking forward.

Today I will just renew my nudge to get up at 5am.

Until tomorrow,

tiger11

January 7, 2021

Still processing my trial. Did not get up at 5am. Found 30 minutes to work on Alessandra. Worked on painting roses down the side edges. This is new for me, but I really like the look. I will include a photo in this post. When I originally started the idea for this painting I used pastels, but used them too heavily and out of frustration took wet paper towel and tried to wash them off. The result was this washed out watercolor look across the canvas, that I loved. In my next attempt at Alessandra, I intentionally used the pastels with water and paper towel to create faded color blends across the canvas and to manipulate layers of soft color where I wanted to direct it. A new technique for me that I will continue to use. There must be lots of online art tips that I could grab that I am not simply discovering by accident. This is a thought I have kept in the back of my head ( to embrace some online education) that I have not yet embraced.

Every day that I am not able to dedicate significant time to art; sits in me as simply that.. a day not dedicated to art. Simple awareness.. and a tinge of frustration. However; let me say this: Significant time from my perspective is two hours; three would be amazing, but my true search is just for two hours.

Until tomorrow,

tiger11

January 8, 2021

I did not get up at 5am… I slept in I think til almost 8am.. but it is the weekend, and I was watching superhero movies way too late with kids. I have a thing for superheros and keep pondering the art challenge of creating some. The animated superhero to me is awesome; an ever inspiring figure.

I finished Alessandra: Defender of Mankind. (Perhaps she is my first unidentified superhero.) I posted her on my Instagram which always feels like the final send off. Instagram has become meaningful to me in the way it creates an audience that you want to be accountable to. You want to share your growth and development and show up for this invisible audience that ideally is cheering you on. When someone likes or comments on my post it matters; it matters in a really cool way… like one more nudge from the universe saying; “you’ve got this.”

There are things that I miss when I don’t incorporate them into my day. One of which is listening to books on audible while I am painting. These books become connection for me and also education. I crave that education. I notice at the end of the day when this is missing.. it becomes a hole. I keep spinning the thought that I should be watching or engaging in art classes online. This thought has been spinning repeatedly.. a nudge?

I work with an artist who does Giclee Printing. When I finish a painting I have three small giclee prints made, which essentially are high quality prints. The prints are simply for building a collection of my art.. my work in progress toward some unknown goal.. that I am climbing toward. When I showed him the completion of Alessandra today he commented that he liked what I was doing with ‘more pure abstraction.’ I am not even sure what this means.. but it made me smile and it felt like a small success. Alessandra below.

Until tomorrow,

tiger11

January 9, 2021

I did not get up at 5am today. Maybe tomorrow. At times I incorporate my children into my art projects. I think this is important.. also a nudge. I am working on a sun, which I am naming Big Sun. Big Sun is a 4′ x 4′ acrylic and pastel on stretched canvas. It is a colorful sun, a big colorful sun. The start of Big Sun is posted below. The sun will simply serve as a background. On top of the sun, my kids and I will collect hand prints of family and friends. The hand prints will gradually cover the whole sun. The decision that we have to make is whether to use colors that blend with the sun and incorporate the hand prints into the painting or to use contrasting colors and place them at will so that they fall eclectically across the painting. Right now I am still just working on the sun, but believe I will finish within the next two days so that we can start adding our prints and more importantly, the prints of our friends.

I did not pursue any online art education today, but I continue to hear this pull.

Until tomorrow.

tiger11

January 10, 2021

Again, I did not get up at 5am. I think 6:30. This has been the most difficult task, but I am going to nail it. I worked on Big Sun again today. It should be ready for hand prints in the next day or two. I think the collection will be fun. I posted progress below. The mind set toward creation is interesting to me. There are times I look at my art and feel accomplished and then there are days, like today, where I feel defeated and very significantly unskilled; where a piece I once loved, looks elementary. I fight this feeling all the time. Someone, at some point in time, said that you should not judge your own art, you should just put it out there. I hold on to this as some force to keep creating even when I feel this total sense of defeat. It seems what is more important is just to keep showing up and laying the paint on the paper. There is some constant push/pull for me in that sense. If I am cutting to the core, what sits deep inside me, is the hope that there are great parts of me yet to uncover.

Until tomorrow,

tiger11

January 11, 2021

I keep spinning ideas for the #100dayproject that I just learned starts on January 31, 2021 instead of in April. I was not anticipating having to start this project so soon, but I can do it. I have a great love for graffiti and search it out on trains and concrete canvas. I have several art books on graffiti and love flipping through the pages of these books. With this said, I have never attempted graffiti. As such, I think I am going to buy a smaller size drawing pad to dedicate to the #100dayproject and fill it with daily graffiti. I think I will call it: 100 days of attitude; graffiti style. Each drawing will be done to reflect the mood of the present day; emotional graffiti. I am planning on doing a test run sometime in the next week or two.

Until tomorrow,

tiger11.

January 12, 2021

I have a thing for numbers. I always have. I don’t know why, but to me they are symbolic and carry meaning beyond their numeric value. I completed Big Sun today and added my and my children’s hand prints. When I wrote the date beside our print, the numbers 1.12.21 made me smile. In numerology I am an 11 and my dad, deceased, is a 22. I see this represented in the date. My dad’s birthday was December 21st. I also see this represented. So for me; my dad was present. I’ll take it.

There was a post by photographer Chase Jarvis today on Instagram that said: “This is one of the biggest secrets of the most creative, happy, successful people: JUST START.” I loved this and believe this and sometimes on my most frustrated days, I remind myself to just keep following passion without judgment.

I did not get up at 5am today. I can’t quite figure out why this simple task is so difficult. There is a place in sleep for me, where life is uncomplicated.

Until tomorrow,

tiger11

January 13, 2021

Power outage early this morning and I slept in, but 5am was not on my radar. I did not make any significant steps today other than gathering up my graffiti art books to page through and get ideas for the #100dayproject.

Until tomorrow,

tiger11

January 14, 2021

I keep failing to get up at 5am and somehow I think this is imperative. I am running out of time and energy in the evening. I drove to the art store today (which is an hour away) for new canvases and new drawing pads. One of the drawing pads I wanted to designate to the #100dayproject. I am still locked into the idea of doing graffiti.. but I was practicing today and it is harder than you think.

Until tomorrow,

tiger11

January 15, 2021

I was drawing a watching the movie Rango and there was a line in the movie that struck me: “No one can walk out of their own story.” I love this. This is true. I was practicing graffiti today. I am not happy with the outcome. I however; lean on the great advice that everyone sucks at the start.. and so with some balance of humor, I try to constantly ride out this learning curve. I am posting my graffiti attempt below. I decided to use my own family as the start of specific graffiti characters. There are four of us and I gave us all character names: Hot Sun; Slick Fish, Tiger Owl; and Dove. I started with Hot Sun. I am going to attempt her again tomorrow with the goal of having something ready to go by January 31st which is when the #100dayproject starts.

As an aside, I did not get up at 5am today.

Until tomorrow,

tiger11

January 16, 2021

It is hard for me to post art that I do not like; however I made a pact with myself to commit to the process. To document a one year creative journey. As such, I think I have to post the good with the bad. I am however; not keeping the art that I do not like.. but I will post it. As I look at this mess posted above, it seems that I have over complicated it instead of just doing a simple character. Maybe simple character and focus on the letters. I keep thinking that if I can successfully develop four characters; that this will give me a good starting place. I used new pastels when I tried to create Hot Sun above. They are called CarbOthellos. I like them a lot but I have to get used to them. A little tricky like any new medium.

I also want to start on another large piece. Maybe tomorrow.. maybe at 5am. Ha! We will see. I am going to use my new 36″ x 36″ canvas. My idea is to do a large fish, but to fill the fish with tightly packed roses. I have been on a rose kick since I left the hospital on October 21, 2020. They are not out of my system yet; so I will continue painting roses until they are. The meaning behind the rose is: God’s love at work. I need this right now.

Until tomorrow,

tiger11

January 17, 2021

I worked for two or three hours trying to create graffiti characters and I am just not liking my work. It feels childish; lack of style; lack of edge. I wanted to push through it, but I am now thinking that I need to change my project. Maybe not lose the graffiti. I have thirteen days to figure it out. I was playing with the idea of doing stickers; graffiti sticker bugs, more fish; something fierce, ugly, but cool. I have not locked into anything. Frustrated. I also thought; maybe the #100dayproject already served its purpose; maybe it’s not a project meant to be repeated over and over again. I am all over the place with this and I feel that lost messy feeling. I used to do Morning Pages. Morning Pages are a form of spiritual journal writing designed by Julia Cameron who wrote the book The Artist’s Way. The practice of Morning Pages is to write three long hand pages every morning and then simply tuck or throw your writing away. The act of writing is simply a brain drain or a conversation with oneself that is intended to provide more access to creative space and spiritual connection within you. I think there is truth there. I felt something from doing the Morning Pages; maybe not to the degree I wanted; but enough that my curiosity was triggered and I developed a dependency on them. I stopped doing the Morning Pages, when I started this blog because I could just not imagine that I had anymore room in my day to fit one more thing in so it became of shuffle or adding and subtracting. It has now been another nudge at the back of my mind to restart the morning pages and maybe my wrestle with time is that I still have not conquered waking up early at 5am. This goal remains unconquered.

Until tomorrow,

tiger11

January 18, 2021

Today is Martin Luther King Jr. Day. A day to be recognized, internalized and celebrated. May we all be brave. I tell my children how brave he was; compassionate and brave.

I did not wake up at 5am today. I did not write morning pages. I did however start a new drawing. It is once again, fish and roses. I named it Thorn. I posted the start below. A friend of mine is doing fluid art and she has had tremendous progress in developing a career with her work. It creates all sorts of emotions in me to watch her progress. There is joy in watching a friend find a niche and succeed in her pursuits, but it also creates this mass hunger in me to get it right. To find time and carve out my own place, to see growth and development in my work. I am often in a state of discouragement. I am often wanting to say F**k It and throw it all aside and just pour myself into my law career. I am often embarrassed, frustrated and sad. With all this negativity flying through me; I do the art anyway. I don’t exactly know why other than I have to.

Until tomorrow,

tiger11

January 19 – January 23, 2021

I am clumping five days together, because I had trouble with this site and between my own frustration and not being able to post, I have lost five days of day to day reporting, but I hope this will be the only glitch in that regard. The above drawing, I worked on to a significant degree and then threw in the garbage. I loved my fish, but could not stand the roses and I just could not get my head to wrap around them the way I wanted to. I have been having a very hard time. Between my mountain bike accident and hospitalization from autoimmune disease I have been on a slow road to finding normalcy. I am a runner and I went on my first run since August 2020. It was great and my head felt connected again to goals, but I didn’t maintain it and have been emotionally struggling. I crawled out of bed at 7am today, but the prior days have been 6am, so I believe that on some level I am crawling toward my 5am goal. Lately, I feel foolish and unaccomplished. This frustration is a familiar battlefield of mine and I am just going to ride it out. Part of my frustration also came from not adhering to the day to day blog writing on this site which is a commitment to myself to create positive change from a creative foundation even if I don’t understand today where that path might lead. I mentioned Morning Pages above, which I still feel that maybe I should resume, but have not. Then there is the looming decision about the #100dayproject which starts a week from tomorrow and I have not locked into an idea. Today my thought is to do nude sketches.. and title it 100 almost nude sketches. I used to sketch all the time and I love this fast drawing style and I think there is education to gain there. This is currently where my head is.

I listened to Francis Bacon Audible book today and what struck me was Bacon’s comments that when he is painting, the ideas just come to him. That they come from somewhere beyond himself… that often he does not know what he is going to paint when he starts. It made me smile, because I hear this divine connection over and over again in those discussing the act of creating. That creativity is connected to something beyond the person. That the individual is a conduit to something greater. I love this. I am also reading the book, Maybe You Should Talk to Someone. I have only read three chapters of this book but it is super intriguing. Things that hit me instantly was the author’s highlighting of loss and change. Specifically stating that ‘loss and change travel together.’ I was also struck by the author’s push to recognize to the effect that the story you are telling is just one version of the story. That people when they tell a story do not always recognize what information they are choosing to include and what information they are choosing to leave out. This sits with me.

Sitting in my own frustration, but not letting go of goals.

Until tomorrow.

tiger11

January 24, 2021

It was my son’s 8th birthday. It is occurring in the middle of the Covid-19 crisis so things are mellower, low key, smaller groups, but it was fun. We rented out a private movie viewing with one other family. The movie was Abominable. Abominable is an animated film produced by DreamWorks. The movie is about the main character Yi’s adventure with a Yeti named Everest. Yi plays the violin throughout the movie; a sentimental instrument left to her by her deceased father. Through the violin she finds herself, her gifts, and her strength. I love the violin. I cried throughout the movie at my own emotions toward the loss of my father in 2015. My father played the piano and his music to me was always magical. I loved falling asleep to him playing classical music and blues filling the house. I read about Abominable and it was interesting because the movie in Southeast Asia, Abominable has garnered controversy for a scene involving a map of the region with the Nine-Dash-Line, a contested demarcation line used by China to lay claim over a portion of the South China Sea. Due to this, the film has been banned in several countries involved in territorial disputes with China over the South China Sea – namely, the Phillippines, Vietnam and Malaysia. These facts remind me that there is always so much more beneath the surface and that there are stories to uncover; stories different that one’s initial perspective. Maybe we all, including myself, need to dig a little deeper.

I did not get up at 5am today.

Until tomorrow,

tiger11

January 25, 2021

I started a drawing which is a remake of one I did in 2006 on the beach in PB. I lived in PB for almost the entirety of 2006 and I absolutely loved it. Sometimes I wonder if I wasn’t more at home there then I am here in the small northern Idaho town that I currently live in. I went back to visit PB (San Diego, California) in 2019 and it stirs up this cool energy/fire in me. It felt so good. I need to keep looking for that. Regardless, I did this kiss painting with two faces kissing in the center of a snake eating its tail. This is called the “ouroboros” and I thought meant Eternal Love. I labeled the painting Eternal Love and came up with the idea after seeing a card showing this tail eating snake in a small card shop. What was interesting about this painting, is that I hung on to it and displayed it at a small cafe when I first moved to Idaho. A couple in the 50s took great interest in it for their son Darcy’s wedding as a gift to their son and to his beautiful fiance, Amber. I wouldn’t sell it to them for two reasons: 1) I wasn’t selling my art at that time, I was learning and working through it and some pieces were sentimental for that reason; and 2) that piece was imperfect, on un-stretched canvas and I felt like it needed to more carefully recreated. I kept it and they moved on. I later met their son and his wife and they became friends of mine. Three years later, Darcy and Amber were tragically killed in a boating accident; both in their mid-thirties. I think about the painting; about eternal love. That painting is posted below. The drawing I am now working on is also the “ouroboros”, but I have since learned that the ourboros means not eternal love, but eternal renewal incorporating the cycle of life, death and rebirth. Interesting.

I did not get up at 5am. I did not restart Morning Pages, and I did not figure out the #100dayproject which starts on January 31st, but I leaning again toward graffiti.

Until tomorrow,

tiger11

January 26, 2021

I did not get up at 5am, but I did get up at 5:42am. Better. Not my goal, but better. I am continuing to read Maybe you Should Talk to Someone. I have mixed feelings on this book as there are powerful lines which I love and make note of, but I can’t directly relate to the author so I find frustrations there. It is funny, sometimes I see myself by contrast to others actions or comments. When a girlfriend commented on a hanging light in my kitchen that was previously installed in the home and that I desperately wanted to remove; stating that “yes… I should find something that goes more with my ‘decor’.” My first immediate thought was: ‘decor’? .. ‘what decor’.. it have never occurred to me that I had decor or that I was trying to match decor or that there was some plan of semblance to what I was putting in my home. When I am in a home, I am simply trying to fill it with cool creative art and cool sentimental hand crafted furniture or simply things I like; cool awesome things. It never occurred to me that there should be a themed decor… the word decor might not have ever entered my head; until now. I just want cool creative stuff and I want it to surround me. This made me smile.

I have not started morning pages. I have not figured out what I am going to do for the #100dayproject. Should I even do it?

Until tomorrow,

tiger11

January 27, 2021

I did not get up at 5am. I really want to get up at 5am. Why do I keep sabotaging this goal when I so strongly believe that there is momentum forward in these early hours. This is such a confusing battle for me. As if I am not really understanding a piece of myself. Today I read the following line: “… the most powerful truths – the ones people take the most seriously – are those they come to, little by little, on their own.” This will sit with me today.

Art for me is a passion, but it can also be a distraction from everything else and this is a problem that I have to solve. It seems to work against my career as the mind set that i have when I am in a creative place and when I am deep in the law are two distinct mind sets and I can’t just switch back and forth at ease. It is hard for me to carry both mind sets consistently. I often think that I am more at peace with myself when I am doing creative work; but when I do my job well (this is key) there is great reward there. There is also great opportunity for me in my career if I go after it. How do I find this balance? Wake up at 5am. Perhaps.

Until tomorrow,

tiger11

January 28, 2021

Ok. I would like to look at January as a testing ground. A testing ground for goals. Sometimes I can’t lock into the big picture goal, but I believe so strongly in the aggregate of small steps that I can take those steps. I do not however; just want to be busy for the sake of being busy. I want to work toward something. I want art a part of my life. In order for art to be a successful part of my life, it has to have a monetary connection eventually or I remain dependent on a non-creative career to provide for me and my family and there is such a large time dedication there, that my fear is that art will become small. I do not want art to become small.

Until tomorrow,

tiger11

January 29, 2021

I worked on Dragana today. I am not sure how I feel about my progress; but I don’t want to walk away from her. As such, I am going to continue to tackle her. I keep thinking back to the wise advice that my friend told me who owns a surfboard company. He told me that he cannot create something that he likes if he cannot see it first in his mind. If he doesn’t see it first he is always frustrated with the outcome, but if the vision is locked in that the creation comes easy. I think this is true, because the pieces I have trouble on, are just this, the ones I don’t take time to see prior to trying to bring to life. Progress posted below.

I still don’t have an idea for the #100dayproject which starts on the 31st of this month; two days away.

Until tomorrow.

tiger11

January 30, 2021

I did not get up at 5am.. in fact I think I slept until almost 8am. Ug. I believe that sleep is a hiding place for me; a really amazing hiding place when life gets hard. I listened to Pablo Picasso’s biography by Arianna Huffington almost a year ago and loved it. It was however; long and detailed and I know that I missed many details within it. As such, I am listening to it again. I am filling in with the book on Francis Bacon or vice versa when one or the other becomes too much.

I decided on my #100dayproject. It will be 100 talking fish; #100talkingfish. It will be graffiti style fish and each fish will have a story or a reflection of the day. I need to decide if I will collect all the fish on one canvas or if they will be within an art sketch book. Last year I did a sketch book with each drawing its own page. This year, I am leaning toward one piece or two if I fill a canvas too fast. I have a 3’x3′ canvas that will be a good start. I hope. I am also hoping that the art and story telling will be simpler that the prior #100dayproject that I did last year, simply so that I can keep up with everything. I guess we will see and I can once again give myself a speech about getting up at 5am.

Until tomorrow,

tiger11

January 31, 2021

How many times can I start my entry with the realization that I did not get up at 5am? I guess as many as it takes until I do. I finally locked in to the #100dayproject and stuck with 100 Talking Fish. I think the story telling piece will be hard. Will I have 100 stories to tell? I decided to do the fish on individual pages instead of a large canvas. I think the individual pages will give me more flexibility and more room for error. So many times, I thought about bailing on this project. I thought about not even starting it out of concern that it was a distraction to other goals knowing that my time is limited. Something in me pushed me forward. A nudge perhaps. I have to admit that I am approaching this particular nudge with some discomfort. Nonetheless; I committed. 100 days.

Until tomorrow,

tiger11

February 1, 2021

I woke up at 5:40ish… Anytime before 6am seems like positive momentum. I did not start the #100dayproject yesterday, but I started it today. A day late. I really battled with whether to make this commitment. I am in. My first fish is ‘Fish 37’. Fish 37 represents a connection between my deceased father and his close friend who passed away five years after him. I believe strongly that energy continues beyond our physical existence. I search for this energy all the time. My first fish posted below.

Until tomorrow.

tiger11

February 2, 2021 – Groundhogs Day

I did not get up at 5am.. but I got up before 6am; and I think I am getting there. My commitment to the #100dayproject helps a ton. It is this adherence to a goal; a concrete goal that seems to cement purpose and drive in me. I need to be more clear in other goals. Maybe a lesson here. My second fish below.

Until tomorrow,

tiger11

February 3, 2021

My days have been packed at my law career; which ultimately is great, as financial stress seems to erode everything. I am learning that having security is a good thing, and that working in the aggregate with small steps toward goals is okay. It doesn’t seem to me that positive change happens from a place of desperation. I will write more tomorrow, but today just posting my third fish. I am still one day behind. I did not start morning pages yet, and I did not get up at 5am… but I did create another fish. Although I have to admit, my original fish was a beta fighting fish, but after six crumpled up pieces of paper I decided the beta fish was simply the wrong fish to be born today.

Until tomorrow,

tiger11

February 4 – 12, 2021

I am trying to be diligent with the #100dayproject, but I find that I run out of time for the things that I want to do and I lose track of time. It is important for me to write on here every day, but again I have lost sight of a few days; well, quite a few days. I posted below my latest fish. The conversations that are happening from my posts have been the biggest inspiration to me. Ultimately, this is a reminder of my need to connect through art. I want to write more, but I am so tired and head nodding. I have not been getting up at 5am. Still my impossible task, and still I think just my own self sabotage. Also posted my progress on Dragana; a really fun one for me.

Until tomorrow

tiger11

February 13, 2021

Slept in… so far from 5am. I was thinking about the #100dayproject the other day and it hit me on the head that it is development of thought more than it is honing in on skill. That the forced practice of creating everyday is about development, process and connection whether that is expanding a creative muscle or perhaps spiritual. Either way, it held me to have this perspective, because it changes my struggle with the outcome of each piece; the bigger goal is not in each finished project; where I think we all have a tendency to want satisfaction if not perfection.

February 14, 2021

Slept in. I have friends visiting. This is where it gets tricky. Is it okay to hit pause buttons, get off track and fall behind for the sake of a social life? It has to be on some level, but this always creates conflict in me. I am on day 10 of the #100dayproject and I should be on day 15. Obviously, I will likely fall further behind. It is this impossible task of fitting everything in. I also choose daily projects that take me approximately 2 hours, but I am not sure there is much you could do in less than this time frame. I am still recognizing the same feelings this year doing the #100dayproject as I did last year. Primarily, this wrestle between feeling ridiculous and being compelled. This year in my project I am sharing personal stories to coincide with the art; with the talking fish. This is also controversial for me. It is uncomfortable to share; and yet, I want to be out there, to be seen with all the rough edges, to create something that is more personal. I guess as I am thinking out loud there is a huge connection piece for me. I want to connect. I want to connect with creative people. I want to connect with driven people. It also seems the more I pursue a goal, the more my mind spins to the next one; and who I want to share those goals with. Lastly, I think what is on my mind today is how to find the balance between law and art without discarding either. I can’t let one drain the other.

Until tomorrow,

tiger11

February 15, 2021

Friends still here; another sleep in day, although I am not sleeping well overall. New fish: Eternal Fish. This one had a sad story. Still creates overwhelming sadness. I am not happy with the art of my last two posts, but trying to accept that challenged of “finished not perfect” and to also hold onto my belief that this #100dayproject is more about the momentum and creative growth then about one piece. Let the flaws go; just keep creating. It is definitely a path of imperfection.

Until tomorrow,

tiger11

February 16, 2021

Up at 5:30am. Better.